Last night I was very distraught. I was in one of those moods where I felt like I wasn't going anywhere in life. I had a productive day deep cleaning the kitchen, doing two loads of laundry, and other household tasks, but I want my life to be so much more. I want to be the best wife I can be and take care of the house since I am the one at home all day.
But I want to be so much more than that. I have dreams of running a marathon. I have dreams of being a published author. Last night, though, I felt overwhelmed and my dreams seemed impossible. I had been struggling to run more than a mile, and I hadn't written in a long time.
I wanted to give up. I was seriously questioning if I was capable of running a marathon or writing a novel worth publishing. I've run tons of races and written tons of papers/stories. So what was I so afraid of?
I realized that I've never done anything this big. I've never run enough steps to run a marathon and I've never written enough words to create a novel. I wondered if I could do it. And, I wondered if I should do it. Does God want me to do these things, or would he rather I focus my attention on working more or starting a family? What does God want me to do with my life, and how do I know? There are so many wonderful things I can learn and do, sometimes it is hard to know which path is right.
I'm still mulling over a lot of these thoughts, and I don't know that I've come to any clear answers. But I know I am going to keep searching for answers and keep following my dreams. If they are right, I will know it. If they are not, I won't. I've been able to write a good bit late last night and this morning. I also ran three miles this morning.
If we are brave and we persevere, God will guide us.
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